Anna and I found out yesterday that we lost the baby. It has been a difficult time especially for Anna as she not only has to mourn and deal with the emotional ordeal but also has to plan and brace herself for the hell that lays ahead. I won't go into detail but her body will be facing a lot of challenges in the coming days and weeks.
I told Anna last night that I don't know why I can't stop crying and don't truley understand what I am mourning as I didn't have a strong bond to the baby. I think I am mourning the joy that we had looking forward to another child. I also saw my girls and thought how this would only grow our family in love and meaning. I am mourning that this is all gone...well not gone but delayed. I am mourning that my sweet wife is suffering and I can't give her the comfort that she needs and I can't be the one to go through the hell. I would take it in a heartbeat if I could.
Both Anna and I have said how much peace we feel during all of this and in no way do we feel the Lord has abandoned us or done this to us. We recognize the 'life happens' moment here and that we aren't unique in this. We also know that our family isn't complete and that we will have more kids to bless our lives. We also recognize how blessed we are that we have the support of our family, many of whom have gone through this very thing and can empathize and offer support and love. We are blessed to have each other and our two beautiful girls. We are blessed to have a Father in Heaven to share our fears with and the blessing of the spirit to comfort us during our moments of grief. All in all, we know we are blessed and are counting those blessings as we go.
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