I'll be honest with you. Being unemployed sucks. It has been a very hard trial and some days I have a lot of faith and feel the Lord working on my side and other days I don't have any and feel like my world is going to collapse in on itself and that I will never wake from this bad dream. You start questioning when will this end...will it end...why does no one want to interview me...is something wrong with me? It is hard not to start to spiral into self doubt, fear and a plain old feeling of inadequacy to the task I has been asked to take on.
However, in the movie Moana there is a song that strikes such a chord in me that it is as if it was written just for me. In Moana's moment, of self doubt, fear and feeling of inadequacy to the task she had been asked to take on, her grandma comes to her from the other side of the veil and says, "Sometime the world seems against you, the journey may leave a scar, but scars can heal and reveal just where you are. The people you love will change you, the things you have learned will guide you, and nothing on earth can silence the quiet voice still inside you, and when that voice starts to whisper [Daniel], you have come so far. [Daniel] listen, do you know who you are?"
Who am I? Do I know who I am? As a friend once told Anna and I, "Stop and ask yourselves what is the truth". What is the truth that underlies ever misunderstanding, every sham that Satan holds up as truth, every distraction. Ask yourself what is the truth. The truth is I do know who I am.
I am a son of a living God who has been endowed with powers from on high. I am also a man full of imperfections but who is choosing his Heavenly Father every day and striving to live my life in accordance with His commandments and His plan of happiness. I am a dad and that is a title I cherish as there was a point not too long ago that I didn't think I would ever have that title in this lifetime. I love my family unconditionally and without question and know that my kids know that I love them and I feel their love in return. I am a husband to an incredible woman who I work to live up to and be worthy of every day. Life so often gets in the way and I can forget how blessed I felt to kneel across from this strong woman and to look into the eyes of the person with whom I get to share eternity. I am a brother to some very awesome siblings by blood and by marriage and am grateful for the moments I get to build those connections and learn from their examples and their stories. I am a son of wonderful parents who true to my patriarical blessing are my best friends and biggest advocates. Through them I know the power of love, sacrifice and dedication. Through them I have gained my testimony and my sure ground because they willingly allowed me to stand on theirs with the safety to know I was always welcome. I am descended from generations of people who have shown me through their lives what it means to choose the Lord, to overcome and to carry on with faith and I feel them standing behind me cheering me on and lifting me up.
I am creative and talented and thrive on building these talents through art, writing or even reupholstering furniture. I have felt the power of the creator and love to be outside with my hands in the dirt dreaming up ways that my own little promised land in Sheridan Circle will be more beautiful today than it was yesterday.
I am empathetic. I have lived and this makes me stronger because I understand what it means to have fallen flat on my face, to have given up only to get up and try again and also what it feels like to have the sweet spirit flood my soul and lift me to the greatest of heights. I am able to relate to just about anyone if you can make it past that wall of protection people place around themselves. I'm not judgmental because your weakness is different from mine. In fact I am very aware of my weaknesses and because of this I have become strong.
I am a hard worker. I was raised by parents who taught us that by the sweat of our brow would we succeed (and a promise of a fountain drink or rainbow slush didn't hurt) and I have never been afraid to take on hard things. I am happy when I'm busy. I'm happy when I'm needed and I'm happy when I can look back and say 'I did that'.
I am a believer. I know that Jesus Christ lives. I know that the gospel was restored to Joseph Smith in the Sacred Grove and that the Book of Mormon is truly another testament to Jesus Christ and His life and plan. I know that my Heavenly Father knows me and loves me personally and not just as one of the masses. He loves me and wants me to succeed. I am His son.
So as I get back to the truth, 'the root of the root and the bud of the bud' I do know who I am. As much as Satan would like to hold up his version of me that says I'm unemployed and failing as a provider and not living up to my role as a father I can see that this moment in time does not define me. I am Daniel Joseph Seelos and in my eyes that is enough.
