Throughout the 1800’s many ships and crew
were lost at sea due to being overloaded and when the ships would reach rough
sea they would sink. In 1876 Samuel
Plimsoll developed what is now known as the Plimsoll line which is an imaginary
line drawn on ships to show at what point they can no longer take on any more load
and remain safe should they encounter rough seas. As
Anna and I started the 2017 year we had just welcomed our fourth child and felt
that our Plimsoll line was already at its max and that we were traveling very
close to the water. Little did we know
the storms that would come our way as we set out to begin this journey including
being laid off and now languishing in this state for months. I can’t help but compare it to my favorite
story in the scriptures found in Matthew 14:22-33. This is where Jesus sent his disciples out on
the sea of Galilee and in verse 24 it says, “But the ship was now in the midst
of the sea, tossed with waves: for the
wind was contrary” For me this describes exactly where we are at in our lives. Our little ship is loaded to the max and we
are lost in storm-tossed seas and the wind is definitely contrary.
In Mark’s version of the story it says “and He saw them toiling in
rowing”…“and in the fourth watch of the sea, Jesus went unto them”. The fourth watch is the last watch of the
night. It is right before morning. So Christ’s disciples had rowed all night and
had fought the wind and the seas. They
were exhausted and tired. I know that both Anna and I are
exhausted. We aren’t sure if we can do
it anymore. Not a day goes by that I don’t
cry out to the Heaven’s for mercy from this trial….BUT…I have to trust that
Christ sees me toiling in rowing. Anna
and I feel we are both well into our fourth watch and our strength is going to
give out but on we row, trusting that He is watching us and that soon He will
come in our fourth watch.
We also realize that we aren’t alone in
feeling this anguish and despair. We
know many around us who are toiling in their boats and who are rowing against
the wind. Joseph Smith himself cried out
in agony while in Liberty Jail “O God where art thou?...How long shall thy hand
be stayed…Yea, O Lord how long shall [we] suffer…before…thy bowels be moved
with compassion toward mercy” (D&C 121:-3)
This was Joseph Smith. A prophet of
God who had seen our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ face to face and had
several other heavenly messengers visit with him and confirm on him their power
and authority and yet he, in the midst of his storm, cried out in despair
unsure if the Savior saw him toiling.
Unsure when the rescue or even if the rescue would come. I’m sure all along he was questioning why
this trial, what did he need to learn.
Elder Harold B. Lee taught “Sometimes the things that are best for us and
the things that bring eternal rewards seem at the moment to be the most bitter,
and the things forbidden are ofttimes the things which seem to be the more
desirable”. Yet Elder Holland states unequivocally,
“You can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experience with the
Lord in the most miserable experiences of your life—in the worst settings,
while enduring the most painful injustices, when facing the most insurmountable
odds and opposition you have ever faced…every experience can become a
redemptive experience…man’s extremity is God’s opportunity”.
Out of Joseph’s misery and despair came one
of the clearest and most faith filled scriptures I know of. In D&C 123:17 he states, “Therefore,
dearly beloved brethren [and sisters, when we are in even the most troubling of
times], let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we
stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for
his arm to be revealed” (emphasis added by E. Holland). I love
this scripture because it gives hope and direction and teaches the ultimate
lesson on weathering your own storm. From
this scripture, I have come to realize three steps I need to take.
1.
Cheerfully do all that I can do.
So often we pray and we ask our Father in
Heaven to save us both literally and figuratively and then sit back and wait
for our salvation yet I was raised with the value of hard work and the
understanding to depend on the Lord but do your part. St. Augustine once said “Pray as though
everything depended on God and then work as though everything depended on you”. Anna and I are doing our part. We have cut back expenses, limited what
little luxuries we indulged in before (as we didn’t have an extravagant life
before hand). We have fasted and prayed
and poured over the scriptures and the words of modern day prophets. We have gotten blessings when needed and
sought counsel and comfort from family and friends. We have followed the counsel given in
blessings and opened our mouth to everyone around us as humiliating as it
feels. Last but certainly not least we
have applied for countless positions looking forward with hope each time we
interview and praying that this will be the one. Looking back at the account in the scriptures
I consider this part the rowing. We
haven’t given up. We haven’t stopped
rowing admist the storm.
2.
Stand Still and Know
Perhaps of all the steps, this step feels
the hardest. I love the imagery of
standing still and knowing that our Father in Heaven is there and that he sees
us rowing and is on His way to rescue us.
The pure act of standing still makes me think of the temple and a quiet reverence
that comes as you cross over the threshold there. The world may carry on in chaos around you
but in those walls you know who you are, who you truly are and your connection
with our Father in Heaven. Standing
Still implies an assurance, a peace or hope.
Elder Uchtdorf spoke of hope and despair
saying “The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating
darkness. Despair drains from us all
that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was
meant to be. Despair kills ambition,
advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads
only and forever downward.
Hope on the other hand, is like the beam of
sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our
trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way
for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and
of fear.” This is the part I love best… “Hope
is not knowledge but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise
to us…It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism,
enthusiasm, and patient perseverance.” And I would add in standing still.
Anna and I don’t have a knowledge of when
we will be rescued or in what capacity or with what job but we will continue to
row and hold our ground so that we can stand still and know He is on the shore
and that He sees us. This leads me to
the third lesson.
3.
Seeing the salvation of God
When all seems lost around us it often
feels so much easier to focus all our attention on what we lack. We focus on the storm because let’s be honest
we are tired and the storm appears to be so overwhelming and we are just trying
to say a float and keep our heads above the waves that to focus on little else
is a distraction. That being said,
Brigham Young once stated, “I do not know of any, excepting the unpardonable
sin, that is greater than the sin of ingratitude”. If I
stop rowing for one second and look around I would be able to see so many
blessing around me. The least of which
is that I’m not rowing alone. Not too
long ago I prayed to have an eternal companion who would fight with and for me
not knowing then who it was or when I would meet her but the Lord fulfilled His
promise and sent me Anna. So often as my
strength gives out I feel her rowing harder.
I feel her loving embrace and her words of encouragement. “We can do this” has become our mantra. If I look around again I see family members
praying for me, taking me to lunch, lifting me when I can’t stand on my
own. I see friends encouraging me,
blessing me and sharing the load. I see
members of my ward praying for me and bearing my burden when even with the Savior’s
help I can’t bear the burden anymore. It
is in kind words, it is gifts left on our doorstep and even in the asking if I
have a job yet which makes me realize I am loved and blessed beyond
measure. I realize I’m not rowing
alone.
I have often had moments where I’m standing
at my sink and looking out on my yard and I realize how blessed I am to live
where I live with the home and yard that I have. I have walked into my chapel on many
occasions and heard the pioneer benches creak under my weight and have
recognized the blessing I have of having the gospel in my life and the sacrifice
of those who came before me. I have
looked into the eyes of my children and felt their love for me and I realize I
am blessed.
One writer once expressed, “In the depth of
winter, [we find] within [us] and invincible summer.” Gratitude is that summer. Recognizing the Lord in the little things are
those warm summer days that can penetrate even into the darkest of winters.
A friend wrote a poem that manages to
express maybe better than I have done here all that I’m feeling.
Always ever
and today.
Dear
Lord, why dost thou tarry
While
this storm has left me weak?
Above
the crash of thund’ring surf,
I
cannot hear thee speak.
I
cling in desperation
To
withstand each breaking wave,
Dear
Lord, wilt thou not rescue
and
my simple life, now save?
I
fear Thee tired of listening,
And
dost Thou even know
The
rising sea that threatens
And
the deadly undertow?
I
cannot fight this battle,
I’m
alone and sinking fast,
Dear
Lord, wilt thou not answer?
Is
my time of ransom past?
I
pause…I strain to listen,
As
the tempest seems to calm,
And
a voice, not loud, but piercing
Speaks
of peace…a soothing balm.
“Dear
child, of course I heard you,
You
never were alone,
I
stood here merely waiting
Till
your trust and faith had grown,
Enough…to
seek for answers,
Enough…to
call my name,
To
believe that I could help you
And
the wildest oceans tame.
Dear
child I know your asking,
Before
your words can form,
I
am with you in the sunshine
Even
more so in the storm,
Be
at peace and know I love you
Oh,
be still and hear my voice,
Through
each storm and wind and tempest
It
is you who makes the choice,
Will
you turn to me for wisdom?
Or
in pride just turn away?
Remember
I am waiting,
Always…ever,
and…today.
Anna and I will continue to row. We will not turn away. We will cling to promises made and we will
stand still and know. Elder Holland said
“I testify that bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs, and that
heavenly promises are always kept.” I
look forward with hope for the Savior walking towards my boat to calm my seas
and in the meantime, I will row.
