What a week!

So as you know from my last post, we lost our baby and this week Anna has been going through the process of miscarrying the baby (is that the right term?).  We have been amazed by the peace and comfort we have had and by the kindness and generosity of those around us in coming to our aid.  We had great friends and family drop off dinner and show up with brownies (I think this was more for me then Anna) and even a sack dropped on our front porch by a friend that had soup for Anna and fresh baked bread and a movie for the girls.  We are also surprised that it seems it is more the norm for people to have had a miscarriage then not as everyone we talk to seems to have had at least one.  I guess we are part of the club now.  What it has done is made us grateful for our girls and each other and more committed to act on others behalf as people have done for us.  I hope we will be more aware of those who need a helping hand and give it without waiting for them to ask.

On Saturday night we were woken up by Sophie crying out in her room.  I went in to see what was the matter only to find her fighting to get a breath and crying that her mouth hurt and she couldn't breath.  Well we have seen countless commercials and warnings about kids having allergic reactions and she was struggling so we loaded her up and called a neighbor to come check on Molly every once in awhile and went to the Hospital.  Turns out she had croup but we had never dealt with it before and didn't know it could come on so sudden with no warning signs.  She was treated and we were released soon there after.  I think I am done with the Hospital for awhile (hopefully).

A funny story to end this post.  Sophie was exceptionally moody on Saturday (probably because she was getting sick but also because she doesn't want to take much needed naps anymore) and we had been out to Rick and Kaylene's as they watched the girls for us while we ran some errands.  On our way home Sophie would not let me talk to her without screaming so I gave up and Anna stepped in with patience trying to calm down the storm that was brewing in our backseat.  Sophie continued to cry, scream, wail and plead about everything and anything meanwhile Molly sat in silence obviously trying not to get sucked in by the storm or struck by lightning.  It finally got to the point that Anna had had enough as well (which says a lot because her patience is much greater then mine) and told Sophie she was done.  Sophie screamed that she wanted Root Beer (a new demand in a list of about 100 in the last 30 seconds).  Anna turned on her and said "I will give you Root Beer when you get home if I don't hear one peep until we get home, do you hear me?  Not one peep!  If you make even one peep no rootbeer for you!"  Well that got Sophie's attention and she shut up for a glorious 30 seconds.  As we revealed in the silence we hear our quiet little Molly's voice and what does she say...none other then "peep".  Anna and I just started to laugh and thanked Molly for releasing the tension that had built up.  What a silly little girl.

Sad news but blessed all the same.

Anna and I found out yesterday that we lost the baby.  It has been a difficult time especially for Anna as she not only has to mourn and deal with the emotional ordeal but also has to plan and brace herself for the hell that lays ahead.  I won't go into detail but her body will be facing a lot of challenges in the coming days and weeks.

I told Anna last night that I don't know why I can't stop crying and don't truley understand what I am mourning as I didn't have a strong bond to the baby.  I think I am mourning the joy that we had looking forward to another child.  I also saw my girls and thought how this would only grow our family in love and meaning.  I am mourning that this is all gone...well not gone but delayed.  I am mourning that my sweet wife is suffering and I can't give her the comfort that she needs and I can't be the one to go through the hell.  I would take it in a heartbeat if I could. 

Both Anna and I have said how much peace we feel during all of this and in no way do we feel the Lord has abandoned us or done this to us.  We recognize the 'life happens' moment here and that we aren't unique in this.  We also know that our family isn't complete and that we will have more kids to bless our lives.  We also recognize how blessed we are that we have the support of our family, many of whom have gone through this very thing and can empathize and offer support and love.  We are blessed to have each other and our two beautiful girls.  We are blessed to have a Father in Heaven to share our fears with and the blessing of the spirit to comfort us during our moments of grief.  All in all, we know we are blessed and are counting those blessings as we go.

Year of dates...January!

For Christmas this year I gave Anna my quality time.  More specifically I got her a year of prepaid preplanned dates (one each month).  She opened the first on on Christmas day and we plan the day we are going to take the date and then after the date she can open the envelope for the next month.  Here was our first date card:

So we headed out to the Bountiful Temple.  Becki had gone the day before and told us that they had just released a new movie at the Temple so plan on it being busy, which it was.  The chapel was packed and not everyone got through to the next session as every seat was taken and still people couldn't all fit in the room.  How awesome a problem to have.  On our way into the temple we stopped and asked some youngish girls to take our photo (they were in their 20's so should have been tech savvy).  This is the result...

Awesome job girls...not only are we dark shadows in the front they didn't even get the whole temple in so we said thanks and waited a minute for them to get far enough away from us and then took a selfie.

The temple was awesome and such a great break from the world.  I am loving the new movies as they really make you think and understand the emotion and decisions behind everything.  The celestial room was so crowded as well but I took a minute and expressed my gratitude to my Father in Heaven for the new job and the baby and I couldn't help but think back to a dark moment just a few months before where I knelt down in the dark of my living room and plead with the Lord for some relief and some help.  I remember sobbing (we are talking full on ugly cry snot running down body shaking sobs) that this couldn't keep going on this way and what did I need to do to move on.  And now here I was sitting in the Celestial Room of His house feeling immense gratitude for my blessings.   I took a moment and bore my testimony to Wiley Bryan whose work I was doing and thanked him for the opportunity to do his work and encouraged him to trust the Lord.  I always try and bare my testimony to those whose work I am doing so I can share that moment with them.  I have to say I have had some of my most tender moments at the Temple while doing this.

After the temple, Anna and I stopped to get our favorite guilty pleasures at Dairy Queen...

It was a great way to cap off the night.  I love you Anna and I'm excited for a year ahead that I get to spend time building us!

Count your many blessings and name them one by one!

With a new year upon us I can't help but feel grateful to my Heavenly Father and all that he has blessed us with.  It is no wonder that this year Anna and I decided to have our Family Motto or Theme be "Count your many blessings".  I told Anna that I really wanted to make an effort to focus on the good in my life and not get sidetracked with all that can pull us off the path.  With that let me start by sharing some great news!

We are pregnant with our third little baby and although we don't know the sex yet we can't wait to grow our family to a family of 5...that sounds so big!  We are due in July and are excited for what lays ahead of us and honored that we are entrusted with such a wonderful blessing.  Sophie keeps asking to see the baby in her mom's tummy.

Anna telling our girls she was going to have a baby!

Blessing number 2....I got a new job and I am so excited about it.  I didn't want to say anything before now on here because I didn't want to have a repeat of Google and other jobs but this time it worked out great.  I will be a Client Strategist for Pricewaterhouse Cooper which is the largest accounting firm in the world.  I was approached by a Board member here at the Chamber about applying for the job which was so cool.  I have always wanted to be recruited and now I have been.  I will be opening a new market here in Salt Lake and look forward to the challenges although if I'm honest the worrier in me is a little nervous.  What really excites me is that this is somewhere I can grow my career and stay for possible the rest of my working life.  It is funny in hindsight you can look back and see why the Lord moved you one direction or another and how he lead you to where you needed to be.  If only I had more faith to follow and feel that direction when buried by life.

These are some shots I took as I walked home from Church this past week.  It was so peaceful and I felt like I was in a sleepy little village and lucky to live where I live.

 Sophie wanted me to take a photo of her in Sunbeams while we waited for her teacher.  We did her hair with a headband which she refused to wear so although she looks like we don't care we really do.

That actually leads me to my next thought.  This week in my lesson to the Deacons we talked about the importance of knowing who you are and specifically about Moses chapter 1 where God speaks to Moses face to face and tells him he is a son of God and how that changes Moses for the rest of his life.  I challenged the Deacons to really take a look at themselves and see if they knew who they were.  Did they have their own beliefs and were they grounded enough to be a foundation?  I referred to the quote "If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything" and I believe in some aspects we all are falling for anything and can learn to stand a little bit more (does any of this make sense).  So this year I have challenged myself to three resolutions and I quite know yet how to put specific goals with them but let me see if I can explain them a little more. 

Resolution #1:  To follow my family motto and truly Count my many blessings always looking for the "P word" (as my mom would say) or the Positive in every situation.  I want to grow this aspect of me that it becomes who I am and what I am known for.  One of my favorite quotes is "Don't forget in the dark what the Lord has shown you in the light" and I want to live this daily.

Resolution #2:  I want to be counted on by the Lord.  Let me explain.  I want to be trusted that if the Lord wants something done He knows he can come to me and that I will not only listen to his promptings but more importantly that I will act on the prompting.  So step one for this is that I want to be more in tune with the Lord and his promptings and to act no matter how silly they may seem at the time.  Again, I feel this needs to be more specific but haven't hashed that out yet.

Resolution #3:  I want to know who I am and live up to who I know I can be.  I know I am a family man so I want my girls to and my wife to know and feel that same thing.  I want to explore my talents more and let them grow and develop.  I want to gain confidence in my spirituality and in my gospel knowledge which will take work on my part.  I want to come out of 2014 with a sure foundation for who I am and have that same person that I see reflected in others thoughts about me.

I know I should have goals to lose weight or run a marathon but to me I want to simply see me as the Lord does and to love me all the same.

Molly's New Room...Before and After!

Over the Christmas break I took two weeks off as my job gets slow during that season and it allows me to enjoy the Holidays with my family.  The first week of the vacation I told Anna I wanted to relax and have fun with the kids and the family and then the second week I would fully devote myself to a project of her choice.  She chose to redo Molly's room which started out like this:

 

This actually was my room at one time and I remember being about 12 years old and going on vacation with some cousins for the week and coming home to a surprise new room which my parents had graciously done for me.  You can't tell in the photo but the bottom half is navy with anchors all over it.  So over the last week of my vacation I felt like I worked sun up to sun down in this room peeling wallpaper and steaming glue off the walls (which took 12 hours no joke).  I took down the chair rail and removed the baseboards.

This was all so we could transform the room into this:

So an awesome transformation right!  We obviously painted the entire room molding and all and I put up the Board and Batten around the bottom which took some time but was really easier then I thought.  I have a way of talking myself out of things or put them off out of dread only to find out it isn't as hard as I thought.  Anna sewed the curtains from scratch making the stripes herself they didn't come that way and I love the detail of the pom poms and they are blackout lined.  We hope Molly likes it because I love it.

Christmas Memories

I probably should have written this over the Christmas vacation so I would have more wonder and a greater time to remember the details of the season and record them for posterity but maybe in the end you remember those things that matter most and forget some of the squishy parts that are left better unwritten.  We tried to make the most of the season with our girls taking them to see Santa, although Molly could have cared less and Sophie (who couldn't stop talking about sitting on Santa's lap and asking him to bring her cookies) in the end turned into a mute and wouldn't get near him.  It was only after we left and were walking away that she said "Hey where's my cookies".

About a week before Christmas we went to see the Layton Lights with our good friend Zac and Christie Harris along with thier kids Carter and Olivia (Livy).  It was perfect for the girls as the Layton Lights are all different animals and you can walk through or drive (we did both).  Afterwards we went to Sill's Cafe for Hot Chocolate and Scones.  

 

 Sophie and Livy adored each other and held hands as they wandered down the paths.

 Molly cracked me up because in her snowsuit she reminded me of the little boy from the Christmas Story who falls in the snow and can't get up.  She was so bundled that she waddled more then walked.

 

On Christmas Eve it was late and we had a fire going that was slowly dying in the fireplace.  The lights from my Christmas Village were lite up adding another warm glow.  The girls were asleep and Anna had also gone to sleep from exhaustion.  I was feeling sorry for myself as I grew up with a very warm and to me Magical Christmas Eve full of family, spirit and being together and here I was all alone.  So what did I do?  I called my parents in Serbia where it was now Christmas Morning.  We talked, laughed and then I bore my testimony to them carrying on a special Christmas Eve tradition that I had as a youth with them and I cried and they cried each bearing their own testimony of Christ and Family.  What began as a Christmas Eve where I was feeling sorry for myself turned into a moment I will cherish the rest of my life.

Christmas Morning we actually slept in until 8 am which is so rare for our girls.  It must have been the magic dust left by Santa as a gift to Anna and myself.  We started off the morning with a new/old tradition.  Anna and the girls posed for a photo at the top of the stairs as I did my entire life.  A whole new family caring on an old cherished tradition (by now if you haven't guessed I'm very sentimental).

We then went down to see what Santa had brought our girls.  Sophie finally got her cookies along with a Mr. Potato Head set along with a Little People House for both her and Molly.  Molly got the house and a rocking horse just her size.  The girls also got various toys, including matching doll strollers and clothes (many of which we bought in Serbia).

 Anna got me some bits for my drill and organizers for screws/nails/bits etc. along with some decor for the house all of which was perfect.  I got Anna a year in review book I had worked months on putting together along with a Year of Dates with each other.  She will open one envelope each month and we will go on whatever the date is planned and paid for inside.  I look forward to spending the year with my beautiful B.

Later in the day we went over to Ben and Kelli's who hosted us, along with Becki's family, for dinner and games afterwards.  It was so kind of them to let us come after our Christmas plans got canceled at the last minute.  I have a great family.

Again, maybe it is the memories that you retain that are the important ones and I know I have a lot to look back on and be grateful for.

Christmas Sleepover

So as I mentioned before Anna and I hosted all of the grand kids at our house to continue on the tradition that my parents would normally host but seeing as they are in Serbia...well let's just say it was our pleasure to fill in.  At first we thought we would be missing some of the teenagers because of work schedules and other plans but everyone turned up and we realized how important this was to all of them as well as to us.  My parents are always good to fill the night with many activities so the pressure was on and after the kids got done eating pizza and chatting a bit we got out the old Rolo game.  We wondered if they would want to play and they were a little reluctant at first but after it got started they were into it and didn't want to quit and of course our girls were right there in the heart of the action. 

 

 We then played the Left/Right game and it was a hoot...yes I just said "a hoot" remember we were filling in for Grandma and Grandpa so I had to slip into old person slang. 

Our girls didn't quite get the idea and kept getting upset that they couldn't unwrap the presents they had in front of them.  I think the kids liked the story as many of them would forget to pass because they were focused on the story and not on the words LEFT and RIGHT. 

Anna had all the kids make treat bags for themselves to take home with them filled with Caramel puff treat if you have ever had that.  We then played the pickle game and Alan had the best hiding place of all the kids hiding the pickle in the bottom of a antique glass transformer we had on our self.  We even told Braxton what bookshelf it was on and having picked it up several times still took forever to find it.  I hid Alan's and lifted up our ottoman and unzipped the seam throwing it inside.  Let's just say it took him forever and a lot of hot and colds to get there. 

This was the best part...all the kids had their sleeping arrangements and were settling down for a movie so Anna and I put the teenagers in charge and went to bed.  It was wonderful as many stayed up until two am but Anna and I didn't have too.  My parents say they will carry on this tradition as well.

The next morning we woke to prepare baked French Toast and Bacon for everyone and my sibling showed up to collect their kids and have breakfast.  It went really well and we all had a great time.